The Undeserving
by lxXxJerBearxXxl
Summary: A simple one-shot of Jaune's thoughts on his current life.


**I've recently felt like complete emotional crap, and this idea came to me. **

I Jaune Arc, don't deserve the life I currently live.

I don't deserve to be in this school. I went to Beacon with little to no combat experience. I've only made it this far due to the constant assistance from my team, mostly Pyrrha. I faked by transcripts to make me seem like some sort of heroic protégée, which I obviously am not.

I don't deserve my last name or Crocea Mors, my family heirloom. My last name has been passed down from great man to greater man but then it was left to me, the weakest Arc in existence. I tried so hard to live up to my family name, but I've failed. What the hell was I thinking? I'm not some sort of hero, not a praised warrior. Hell I'm not even an honorable soldier! I'm just I weak mess of a teenager. MY sword and shield have seen war time and time again, all while serving as the trusting weapon of my ancestors. They handled this great weapon with grace and power that I could never achieve. I'm just a waste of my weapons potential.

I don't deserve my role as leader. I rank the lowest of students in Beacons current first year, or ever probably, and yet I've been given the role of leader of a team with far superior skills than my own. They all wait for me to give orders and proceed with said orders without a second thought or hesitation. Dear god, what if I make a mistake? What if one of my horrible orders ends up killing one of my teammates? I would've just thrown away the life of a skilled hunter because I'm such a failure. I lie awake every night because I have terrifying nightmares of them dying because of a bad call made by me. All my team does is support me through my troubles, but I've done nothing for them. I can't do anything for them because I'm so pathetic.

I don't deserve my friends. They always brighten the day with their smiles and silly antics. I play along just to make them not worry about me, but I'm always in pain because they have reasons to be happy, but I don't. I'm not allowed to have a reason. My friends always try to involve me into their daily activities, and even though I just want them to ignore me, I accept. I don't need to add to their troubles. All I'll do is drag them down. They deserve so much more than the hollow shell of a man I've become.

I don't deserve the one woman who's seen me in my lowest state, Pyrrha Nikos, four time winner of the Mystral tournament, top student in Sanctum and a mascot for cereal. She has trained me every night since she's found out about my secret without a second thought. I still don't understand her full intentions. Nobody that perfect would waste this much of their time helping an already broken man. I would say she's doing all of this because she is infatuated by me, but then I would be lying. There is no way someone as beautiful and talented as her would have feelings more me.

I don't deserve to live. My life is made for a person who is destined for greatness. Someone who had natural talent and charisma and honor, all of which I lack along with most other things. My life was hand crafted for someone who actually deserves to live. I bet in another universe, my life is being used by someone so much more deserving.

I could end it all, god knows I've considered it countless times. I've been so close to my breaking point, so tempted to just give up. My easiest option would just be the roof where I train with Pyrrha, but I can't. You know why? Because I don't deserve the easy way out. I don't deserve to take my own life, because I wouldn't be able to suffer anymore. I don't have the luxury of an easy way out. My only death will be by the claws of Grimm, fighting till I die.

I'll suffer through life. I'll endure all of my emotional pain for as long as I am allowed to breath. I'll fight for as long as my body functions, even of my mind finally breaks. I'll smile to keep my friends from falling behind for my sake. I'll continue to live for Pyrrha, so her valuable time isn't wasted. I'll survive so I can make a name for myself so the Arc name can live on, even if I'm known as 'The Hollow Soldier,' or something equally as terrible.

My name is Jaune Arc, student of Beacon, leader of team JNPR, wielder of the great sword and shield Crocea Mors, known as 'Vomit-Boy,' and broken to the very core.


End file.
